Chapter 4: Recovering a Sense of Integrity
The Artist's Way Journey
Welcome to the fourth post in a 12-week series dedicated to exploring creativity and artistic identity through Julia Cameron’s 1994 course The Artist’s Way! Whether you are completing the course alongside me, joining us in the future, or here to learn from my insights and reflections, the following series of posts will remain a safe space for discussion and reflection wherever you are in your artistic journey.
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In Chapter 4, change is well underway and beginning to make itself known…
“This week may find you grappling with changing self-definition. The essays, tasks, and exercises are designed to catapult you into productive introspection and integration of new self-awareness. This may be both extremely difficult and exciting for you. Warning: Do not skip the tool of reading deprivation!”
Reflecting on Chapter 4
Woah. What a week.
I should preface by saying that chapter four is short; I wasn’t particularly excited about the content and a week of reading deprivation sounded awful. So, I prepared myself for a slower week only to discover that was NOT in the cards.
Before beginning The Artist’s Way, I heard time and time again that it turns your life upside down and changes it beyond recognition. I thought this was bollocks. I was wrong. After the week I’ve experienced, I do not doubt that my life after this course will be nearly unrecognisable from the old one, which both excites and (ever so slightly) frightens me. What have I gotten myself into?
“You may find yourself feeling volatile and changeable. You are.”
— Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way, p. 83
The focus of this chapter is integrity: a quality of honesty and strong morals, a state of being whole and undivided. Cameron spoke of our tendency to hide behind half-truths, to tell each other we are “fine” when we’re feeling lost / angry / excited / pensive etc. I’m a textbook definition people pleaser and struggle with this disconnect. I recognise it as a defence mechanism: a front that saves me from the pain of vulnerability and shields me from confrontation and rejection. The cost is my integrity and peace of mind and, ultimately, my art.
“Art lies in the moment of encounter: we meet our truth and we meet ourselves; we meet ourselves and we meet our self-expression. We become original because we become something specific: an origin from which work flows.”
— Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way, p. 82
(that quote!!!)
Throughout the week, the fronts I put up have been challenged — or just completely shattered. I’ve been forced to confront myself and the many ways I hide my identity and dreams. The synchronicities I’m experiencing are truly uncanny and the messages I’m receiving are clear as day. This past week has brought me so much clarity and it feels like I can finally stop holding my breath.
“To become truly immortal, a work of art must escape all human limits: logic and common sense will only interfere. But once these boundaries are broken, it will enter the realms of childhood vision and dreams.”
— Giorgio De Chirico
Chapter four also involved a week of reading deprivation. After buying a few new books to read, that was the last thing I wanted to hear at the start of the week. Alas, it had to be done. I extended my reading deprivation to almost complete media deprivation: no books, no movies, no music or podcasts, and social media at a minimum.
The purpose of this deprivation is to “cast us into our inner silence”. This is something I sorely needed. Not only am I a people pleaser, but I also happen to be a skilled escape artist. I take shelter in the pages of books and frames of videos and lose myself there — a mammal cosying up into a pouch where I don’t have to think too hard or even at all. I learned several lessons this week, but of particular importance was this: there is a clear line between artistic appreciation and consumption. The way we interact with art is just as revealing as the art itself.
The space the reading deprivation created coaxed my pen back into my hand.
At long last, I can see the way back to my path.
Chapter 4 Check-In:
How did you go with your morning pages?
Did you have an artist date this week? What did you do? How did it feel?
Did you undertake a reading deprivation, or have you in the past? What did you experience?
Just a quick reminder that in my last letter, I shared a Substack-only discount code to buy a copy of Worm Food and Bone Sand through my website as a thank you for all the support I’ve received here!
Use the code RUMINATIONS20 for 20% off any orders placed on my website from now until midnight November 5th (AWST) — just a few more days!
Til the next chapter,
Caitlin ❧