My Year of Rot and Rumination // From Budding to Blooming

one year and 1400 ruminators later

Welcome to Ruminations, a newsletter dedicated to sharing vulnerable musings on art, literature, and creative identity for writers & ruminators alike. Subscribe for monthly letters, or join our coven of overthinkers to unlock the FULL archive of poetry, audio & visual content, exclusive musings, and community conversations. Your contribution helps keep Ruminations running & this writer at her desk ❧

Ruminations’ homepage one year on…

Dearest Ruminator,

Let it be known that this is my second attempt at writing to you. At trying to adequately and gracefully thank you for being here and losing (or finding?) yourself amongst myriad musings from a stranger on the internet. Let it be known that thank you doesn’t quite cut it.

Nearly a year ago today, I launched Ruminations.

I remember it being cold, that autumn had arrived with a snarl and a bite and that I was lost. My poetry collection - launched to a small audience of family, friends, and kind Instagram strangers - sat in hopeful stacks on my desk, awaiting purchase. Worm Food and Bone Sand’s release had been my first “official” step towards my dream of becoming a full-time writer - a serious foray into the dark - and I felt utterly delusional. I was working morning and night as a Registered Nurse and squeezing every spare hour out of my day to chase my dreams. I was tired…but stubborn.

And I’d discovered Substack.

And you.

My first letter arrived in the mailboxes of the 27 subscribers I’d imported from my website; the very audience I launched my book to 6 months prior. I let the same stubborn hope simmer in my belly as I drafted existential letters and poetry to share in the coming months. And I held my breath.

The journey that unfolded was nothing at all like I’d anticipated. Despite a year of rot and ruin in other areas of my life, here, on the digital page, I was blooming.

an obligatory screenshot in keeping with the tradition of these things

There are very few moments when validation comes to gently nudge you forward and whisper, yes, this is the right way, but this is one of those moments. More often than not, my journey as a writer has been spent conversing with the void and chipping away at a pipedream - and yet here we are.

Knowing now that my existential musings have found a home in the mailboxes of other writers, readers and fellow ruminators, motivates me more than anything else ever could. A writer is nothing without their readers, after all. I’ve learnt so much over this past year (about myself, about writing, about building a community, about the kind of life I hope to create) that it’s difficult to narrow them down into one letter. Instead, I leave you with a handful of reflections:

Linearity bores and is boring.

You are nothing without the hands you hold and the hands who hold you.

You will fumble in the dark and in the open, too. Both experiences will teach you important lessons. Both will make you a stronger writer.

Keep your promises, especially to yourself.

Allow yourself to expand, to change, and, most importantly, to fail.

You will lose your voice along the way. The journey of finding it again is a beautiful one.

Here are a handful of your favourite letters from the past year:

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The World is Cruel, But We Are Artists

Girl Mossing in 2024 (on grounding, nourishing, and healing )

Woman Is Vital.

My Story: Self-Publishing a Poetry Collection at 23

August 31st

Grief is a strange thing.

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“What will your verse be?”

At its core, Ruminations is the culmination of far too much brooding and a fervent love of the literary arts. It’s a home for stray thoughts and poetry; a place to nestle into; a corner to ruminate in.

Ruminations has evolved through ebbs and flows of experimentation and is a space I’m still nurturing and growing alongside. I’ve spent the past month reflecting on this year-long journey. At current, I am weaving together new letters and ideas to continue nourishing the creative bones in our bodies, but I’d also like to hear from you!

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What have you loved?

What would you like to see more of? Less of?

Would you like Ruminations to embrace something new?

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(—and know that I cherish your voice and feedback dearly)

I’m so very grateful to all 1400 of you. Whether you followed me over from other platforms or only found Ruminations a week ago, your presence means the world to me. And to my 9 paid subscribers: thank you for believing in my writing and my vision. I have no words.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Yours in Rumination,

Caitlin ❧

(P.S. For those of you considering upgrading, for this next week, all paid subscriptions will get 20% off the first year xx)