Ouroboros: Born at the Tail End
(on welcoming change & support)
And so 2024 has feasted on the final hours of 2023…
{ Important Ruminations update below!! }
ON WELCOMING CHANGE
It’s funny how easy it is to slip between time’s sieve and lose yourself in the netting. Already, the new moon has blossomed into the year’s first, cautious crescent, and I’m ferreting away the last dried petals of yesteryear for safekeeping and future sentimentality. January has rocked my restless mind into a lull and I’ve found solace in the synapse between what was and what will soon be.
2023 tossed me like a tired grape into the maw of a gummy mouth, which is to say, I feel deflated; chewed up and partially digested; spat out with a newfound desire to live but a mushy body and broken skin to match.
LET HOPE FIND YOU AGAIN AND AGAIN — Tiya’s Love Letters
Leaning into hope the past few weeks has been healing for these mortal aches. Hope has looked like slowing down, noticing, reflecting, forgiving, dreaming. It has looked like honouring the call for pause and sitting in the discomfort of the moment. It has looked like recognising all that was and wasn’t achieved. It has (hopefully) looked like wisdom as I pen plans for the future.
Cycles transfix me. They offer clarity in a world overly concerned with full steam ahead. Never mind that the ahead takes us straight to the belly of the beginning.
The ouroboros, a snake eating its tail for all of eternity, appears at first glance as a commentary on our self-destructive nature (after all, there’s no denying we are wicked beings with a ravenous appetite for more). But our insatiable lust for life must come at a cost, and so the question must be asked: what carnage shall lie in our ambitious wake? What will we sacrifice to evolve?
Growing has taught me that not all endings are harsh and not all beginnings are beautiful. New doesn't necessarily mean better. Change doesn’t have to be destructive. Wrong sacrifices are repeatedly made.
We can be such a cruel and destructive species, but we can also be oh-so very kind. So very fragile. So very sweet. Our hamartia is our tendency to cling to pain like sand to wet legs. We’ve developed this sort of selective amnesia that allows all that is bad to overshadow all that is good. And there is so much good.
What I want to say most is that living from love feels more important than ever, and harder than ever, and I want to build the muscles necessary to move from love instead of fear as often as I can. — Human Stuff from Lisa Olivera
2023 felt deeply transitional. I found myself caught in the stretched, uncertain place between the course I was on and the one I knew I was destined for. It was a painful realisation; no one enjoys discovering a stranger in the mirror.
On entering 2024, I knew things had to change. I knew I had to be braver and I knew I had to really start believing in myself and my dreams. Audacity is the word that comes to mind. To be truly audacious, I knew I would have to become incredibly vulnerable. An honest payoff.
A month from now, I begin my Master of Arts in Creative Writing. Fear tells me I’m making a mistake — the arts are a dead end, you won’t be able to save working part-time, your writing isn’t even good enough to pour all this time and money into — but my gut tells me I’m finally back on the right path. It’s true the next two years will be difficult. Sacrifices will have to be made and for once I feel like I’m sacrificing the right things. I believe in my work and what I have to offer. I believe in a future where my writing is my whole life and keeps me afloat.
We may still be the same
we may all be changed
when the current moves
us on.
— Excerpt from “A Poem for the New Year” by Ella Grace
ON WELCOMING SUPPORT
Humans have this precious, timid yearning for beauty and to start all over again that I adore. As Anagha Smrithi reflects, we draw upon resolutions as though mythologizing our resurrection. We crave the “…myth of rebirth. Of renewal. A way of making sense of our lives against the dizzying passage of time.”
Today, I am welcoming the myth and offering myself and my writing on the silver platter, a genuine surrender to fate and the audacious nature of my dreams. I am resolving to offer my best and to commit wholeheartedly to creation. I have found myself at the tail-end of a chapter — it’s time to enter the belly of the next one and begin anew.
Writing for Ruminations, and, by extension, for you, nourishes my soul and brings me so (!!) much pleasure. So, I want to be able to offer the same to you all and give those of you who wish to support my writing the opportunity to do so. After 9 months of creating this community of writers, artists, and ruminators alike, I’m turning on paid subscriptions!
THE OPTIONS
FREE:
❧ Monthly Ruminations Newsletter & occasional extras
❧ Access to The Artist’s Way Series (free forever and always <3)
MONTHLY/YEARLY:
❧ Access to the full archive — includes poetry, glimpses into WIPs, personal updates, musings, and future audio & visual content
❧ Full access to community conversations
❧ Heartfelt gratitude for supporting my writing & providing me with more time to produce quality content
FOUNDING:
❧ My undying love
❧ A handwritten note emailed or posted to your address as a thank you <3
To honour all 1,200 of you already here, I’ve created a 30% Discount on your first year subscribed to Ruminations.
Will you join me down the rabbit hole?
If you are unsure if this option will work for you, be sure to use the 7-day free trial option when you stumble upon future paid content! The discount ends on February 29th.
Turning on paid options is something I’ve been hesitant about, but after listening to the advice of writers I admire and receiving gentle nudges from other incredible writers on this platform (Robin Waldun, Tess Guinery, Ella Grace!!!) and in my beautiful writing group, it felt like it was the right time. I have so many ideas for the future of Ruminations and I’m incredibly excited for you all to witness the evolution.
Thank you for supporting this little poet and her existential musings —however you are able to!! I never expected Ruminations to become such a sacred little home for my writing, nor for the words I shared to reach so many kind, like-minded people. I have so much gratitude and love for the community of writers, artists and ruminators we’ve created.
Thank you thank you thank you.
Yours in rumination,
Caitlin ❧
Good work Caitlin!!! So excited to see where this newsletter goes. :))